


One Selfish Change

by Jungle321jungle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Awkwardness, Confusion, Drama, Established Relationship, Feelings, Female Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, M/M, Parallel Universes, Relationship Issues, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29639424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jungle321jungle/pseuds/Jungle321jungle
Summary: “If you could make one small change to anything about your entire life what would it be?”Janus had ignored the question initially before he had given his answer... To confess his love. But when that small change happened he found himself waking up beside his crush- and that alone should have been enough for him to shout for joy. But instead he stared at the foreign yet familiar face, wondering what exactly he had truly done.A world world so similar yet so different at the same time. One with far too many changes to have occurred from a simple confession. A different world, one with no way out.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	One Selfish Change

**One**

The air was chill and harsh, something unsurprising for this for this time of year. He pulled his coat closer to himself as he walked against the prickling wind. Why did he let her pick this? A winter’s walk seemed like a pleasant idea until he stepped outside. Now he was craving the warmth of his apartment. But in front of him she walked as if she couldn’t even feel the cold- he had never been more jealous. 

“Tell me,” she said softly, pulling him from his thoughts. “If you could make one small change to anything about your entire life what would it be?”

“I don’t know, can I be born richer?”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m serious. If you could pick any one small thing to change what would it have been?”

He paused, ready to ask the point of the question but at her earnest expression he held in a sigh. “What about you?”

“Me? I’d probably say yes.”

“Yes? To what?”

“Marriage.”

His gaze fell from her frame to the snow crunching beneath his feet, “Why did you tell him no, then?”

“I...I was scared of change. Of how our relationship would change. I told him that I wasn’t ready yet... but he took that as I’d never be ready... By the time I regretted my decision the relationship was already over and well,” she gave a sigh. “You know how that went.”

“Time has passed, you could probably still-”

Her head shook slowly shaking away the small snowflakes which had landed there. “I made up my mind.”

“And what if the marriage didn’t end well? What if you two were just meant to split up? Wouldn't your one change just become wanting to have said, no?”

“I guess,” she shrugged. “So? What would you pick?”

“Um...” he paused as he thought, trying to run through the many possible options (and ignore the cold). 

“See? It’s hard to pick one,” she declared. 

“I never said it wouldn’t be,” he grumbled, pulling his scarf higher so it covered his mouth. “Oh, I know.”

“What?”

“I... I would’ve told my first crush how I felt.”

She gave a laugh, but held a mittened hand to cover her mouth as she did. “That sounds like something  _ I  _ would say.”

“What?” he asked loudly. Hoping his blush was hidden by his cheeks already being red from the cold. “You asked so I answered!”

She gave another laugh as she turned away from him and stopped in her tracks, “I think it’s a good small change... After all you never know how much something could change... Well, then it’s decided!” 

“What is?” He asked, confused. 

She gave him a knowing smile, “Your wish has been granted. I hope you like it.”

“What are you-”

“I lied about my change actually,” she admitted, turning to face him. “The proposal would be my second ranked small change. My first? Would be doing anything I can to make you happier.”

“Thanks I guess?”

She gave him a beaming smile and his next question died in his mouth as his heart skipped a beat. But he didn’t miss her next words, “Enjoy your change Jan.”

He blinked. A single blink. And just like that world was gone. Everything was gone. The snow. Cold. The winter.  _ Her _ . Everything was gone and replaced by nothing but pitch black. He opened his mouth to shout- to call out to her but no sound left his throat. He grasped at it in panic and confusion- but he didn’t have time to dwell before he was plummeting. He didn’t know where he was or what was around him- but the sensation of falling was clear. He was gaining speed falling faster and faster to an impact which he knew would come. He screamed soundlessly against the wind which whipped by his ears. He screamed until his throat felt raw and then-

Impact. 

The sound of his alarm jolted him awake. His eyes flew open to stare at the ceiling as ragged breaths left his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to make sense of what had happened. Had that whole thing been a dream? He had been sure he had gone on that walk. But what had happened after-

“Turn it off,” an annoyed voice grumbled. 

His eyes opened quickly as he turned in the direction of the sound and was confused to realize he wasn’t in his bedroom. The blue walls, the dresser, even the bedspread screamed this was a foreign place. But what was even stranger was the stranger lying beside him. A man facing the opposite direction. “The alarm, Jan,” the man said in that voice- the familiar yet strange voice. “Turn it off. It’s a holiday, remember?”

Janus’ could only blink at the back of the man’s head in confusion but if he was already confused he wasn’t quite sure what he was when the man turned over to face him. All the features of the face told him exactly who lay beside him- but it didn’t make sense. 

He opened his mouth to speak to say a name he had vowed never to speak again, but then again he didn’t quite know what else to do. “Rom...” he couldn’t bring himself to say the name that was so strange on his tongue. There was no Roman. There was  _ Rosa _ . So why? How? Why? 

Ro- the man gave a groan and sat up and leaned over Janus and moments later the sound of the alarm which had been blaring was turned off. The man laid back down and made himself comfortable before his eyes scanned Janus’ face. “What?”

“I... you’re...”

He rolled his eyes. “You are Janus and I am Roman and I am tired. Can we go back to sleep now?”

“Roman,” he repeated quietly- it almost sounded wrong to say. 

“Hm?”

“I... is this a prank?”

“Prank? I’m not sure what you think is prank worthy here, but do you think I’d risk my beauty sleep just to get a laugh? I mean I probably would...  _ Anyway _ I’m going back to sleep and you should too. We don’t need to be at Logan’s until this afternoon?”

“Logan? I thought you weren’t on speaking terms...”

Roman raised an eyebrow, “Why would you-” he gave a yawn. “Why would you think that? Because I got an award and he didn’t? Logan’s not petty like that.”

“But he’s...” Janus trailed off running information through this head but there were just too many gaps to fill. 

“He’s?” 

“I’m going back to sleep,” he decided. 

Roman gave him that perfect smile, “Good plan.”

  
  


More sleep didn’t help explain anything. Nor did a shower or getting dressed in clothes he hoped were his. He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands with a deep breath. He really didn’t want to believe it, but he had no choice but to believe this was really Rosa’s doing. She had sent him to a world where most likely back in high school he had confessed his love to his first crush- Roman, and apparently they had stayed together ever since. It didn’t make any sense. Ignoring the fact of how impossible this all was, Rosa had still had feelings for Logan so shouldn’t Roman have fallen for Logan later when they met? Then of course there was Roman vs Rosa. Roman had come out as Rosa during college, so why hadn’t that happened here? Had his confession truly changed so much that Roman would hide who he really is?

“You look gloomy.”

Janus looked up and let his hands fall to his side as he saw Roman standing in the doorway, “Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Janus replied slowly. 

Roman didn’t seem convinced but he didn’t push, “Breakfast is done, I made pancakes. So are you gonna brood or come and eat them?”

“Since when can you cook?”

“I can cook!” He said quickly. “Or well... I can pretend I know how to cook. The pancakes are from the box even I can do that much and- And why am I even explaining myself?” He shouted pointing a finger at Janus. “You make fun of me every time I make something. Maybe I should just burn your pancakes!”

“Didn’t you say they were already done?”

“Shut up, and come eat!”

Janus couldn’t help but smile at Roman’s embarrassed expression, “Alright alright.”

He followed Roman out of the room and his eyes scanned the halls as the walked so he could mentally take stock of this new living space. He had found the bathroom easy enough earlier simply because he had heard Roman singing in the shower, but he was yet to explore the rest of the place. It seemed nice enough, and it was decorated in a style which was clearly Roman’s. But that wasn’t exactly a surprise. Before Janus’ and Virgil’s apartment had been a mash of whatever cheap yet decent furniture they could find. Rosa had given them so much shit on the decor. But neither of them had cared. In fact Virgil had made it a point to buy strange and tacky things purely to spite her. Virgil... They had met when both of them had been desperate to find a roommate. So, how long has this world’s Janus been living with Roman? Did he even know Virgil at all?

They sat at the counter to eat slightly burned pancakes and Janus took a backseat to the conversation and let Roman lead so he could possibly learn little things about well, everything. Roman talked about his work mainly about how he was happy for the day off and even though he should be studying his script and plan for a commercial (it seemed he was in the same line of work as Rosa) he was planning to push it off until the next day. He also talked about how they should pick up some wine and a dessert on the way to Logan’s later if they wanted to get out of cooking. 

“Who else is gonna be there?” Janus asked curiously. 

Roman paused in thought, before he just shrugged. “The usual people.”

“I... I see.”

“What I don’t know is how we’re supposed to dress. I texted Logan to ask how casual this is, and he just replied it’s a dinner party. Can you believe that?”

“Yes.”

Roman rolled his eyes, “Maybe I’ll wear that red shirt you gave me. It can work for both, and then I can grab a nice jacket.”

“I guess,” Janus shrugged. “Can... can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

Janus’ mouth opened and closed as he tried to figure out how exactly he could ask how they got together and how long it had been- information he should already know. “Um, I was just wondering how...” he trailed off. There really wasn’t a way to ask was there? “Nevermind.”

Roman gave a slight frown as he turned on his stool to face Janus and took Janus’ face in his hands. “I’m not gonna force you to tell me what you’re thinking,” he started. “Just remember that secrets are mean and I deserve the world.”

Janus couldn’t stop the scoff which left his mouth. “I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to say.”

Roman smiled back at him pleased with himself, “I meant what I said. But seriously I’m here for you, got that?”

“Got it.”

That stupid infectious smile didn’t leave his face as he leaned in to give Janus a peck on the lips so quickly that Janus found himself stunned by the action. 

“Well if you’ve got that then clean up,” Roman told him, pulling away. 

“That’s... that’s not fair.”

Roman hopped off his stool and walked to the other part of the open room to flop on the couch, as if he had never heard Janus speak at all. It was strange, oh so strange. Roman had... had  _ kissed _ him. It had been a peck- it hadn’t even lasted a full second. But he had done it like it was something he did everyday. But then again maybe here... he  _ did.  _ Janus felt his face heat up at the prospect but he hurriedly shook his head and began to gather the plates pushing the thoughts aside. It didn’t matter that Roman had kissed him, because ultimately  _ Rosa _ was meant to fall in love with  _ Logan _ . She was meant to turn down his proposal and regret that decision later. Roman wasn’t supposed to be with him... hell he wasn’t even supposed to be in this version of the world. But... if he was here, would it be wrong to enjoy it in the meantime?

~~~~

He had spent the day cuddled up with Roman on the couch watching HGTV. Personally he had no interest in the channel or whatever show, but he was just enjoying sitting where he was and listening to Roman’s comments on design and on what the people were apparently doing “wrongly”. It was a simple and quiet day, but he couldn’t have asked for anything more. To the point where he put on the outfit Roman had picked out for him so they could head to Logan’s he couldn’t help but ask why they had to go at all.

“Because Logan’s a good cook,” Roman had answered easily. “Why else?”

Janus supposed he couldn’t argue with that. He had gone to Rosa and Logan’s a few times for dinner when the two were together. And each time he had told Logan that being a chef should be more than a back up plan for acting. Logan had never agreed. 

Thankfully Roman drove them so Janus didn’t need to worry about not knowing where they were, but soon enough they reached Logan’s house and Janus was a tad relieved to find it was in the same spot as he remembered. But he was sure the similarities would end before he stepped a foot in the door. 

“I will never understand why he wanted us here so early when it’s supposed to be a  _ dinner  _ party,” Roman grumbled, climbing out of the car. 

Janus gave a shrug, “Maybe he wanted to talk to you about something?”

Roman didn’t bother with a reply as he headed up to the front door and pressed the doorbell an obnoxious number of times. It wasn’t long until Logan’s tall and lanky frame appeared in the doorway. “I always know when it’s you, unfortunately,” was all he said in greeting.

“I have wine,” Roman said pushing past him. 

“And cake,” Janus added. 

Logan’s eyes ran over Janus as he had just noticed his presence. “Hello.”

“Hi?”

“So why we here so early, Specs?” Roman asked already hanging up his coat in Logan’s closet. 

“I needed to talk to you about something prior to the arrival of others.”

“Huh, ten points to you Jan for being right,” Roman told Janus before he turned back to Logan. “What about?”

“Let’s get comfortable first, shall we?” 

They sat on Logan’s couches to sit and talk and from what Janus could gather Logan had gotten a rather big role in an upcoming show. And someone from it had invited themselves tonight so Roman would have to impress. They continued talking about more theater related things but Janus’ mind wandered, and for what must have been the twentieth time today he gave himself a small pinch to ensure this was indeed the present he was living in. Or... maybe he was just losing his mind? 

Somehow that sounded worse than what he thought to be the truth. 

He gave a sigh into a sip of wine, but it didn’t go unmissed by Logan. 

“Did we bore you that much, Janus?”

Janus blinked and looked at the man- vaguely aware of the fact that Roman wasn’t in the room, before he spoke. “N-no.”

Logan gave a slight smile, “Feel free to admit if we did.”

“You didn’t bore me,” he said quickly. “But I zoned out so I am not sure what you talked about either.”

“A likely story,” Logan smiled. “ Anyway, others should be arriving soon enough. Would you mind lending me a hand in setting out hors d’oeuvres?” 

“Not at all.” Janus answered standing. He followed Logan to the kitchen and began to do as he was instructed but he couldn’t help but wonder if he could ask Logan questions. It seemed with Roman gone doing whatever it would be the safest moment to, but also what could he even ask? He wasn’t sure if it was fortunately or unfortunately, but it was then Roman returned apologizing for taking so long with his call. He hadn’t been able to ask Logan anything. But maybe... maybe he could gain some answers when the party began. 

  
  


Janus had very nearly crushed Virgil in a hug of relief the moment the smaller man had walked through the door. Virgil was here.  _ Virgil _ . Virgil one of his best friends who didn’t care about what crazy shit he said was here- 

“Oh I want a big Jan hug!” 

Virgil was here. Here beside a man Janus didn’t know, but who he was now hugging him tightly. The hug wasn’t a bad one or anything- the guy’s hug reminded Janus of what hugging a teddy bear would be like but- but who the actual fuck was he? 

“Virgil, Patton,” Logan greeted, thankfully giving a name to the man whose arms were still wrapped around Janus. “Glad you both could make it.”

“Patton” gave a smile as he finally let go. “I brought my family’s dinner rolls!”

“I told you you didn't need to bring anything.”

“It’s not the Hart way to go anywhere empty handed.” Patton disagreed. 

Logan gave a chuckle, “Well come in. Dinner will be served when more people get here.”

“Need any help?”

“I might.”

As the two walked off Janus found himself sticking with Virgil who went to get himself a cup of sparkling cider. 

“That’s all?” Janus asked him. 

Virgil gave a shrug, “You know Patt can’t hold a drop. So I’m driving.”

Janus gave a slow nod unsure of what exactly he should say. He was more than grateful that there was  _ someone  _ familiar around. But now that Virgil was here he wasn’t exactly sure how to start the conversation he wanted to have. 

“So what exactly are we supposed to be celebrating tonight?” Virgil asked him. 

“Logan told me, but...”

“But you weren’t listening?”

“Not really, no.”

“Will you  _ ever  _ get along properly with Logan?” Virgil sighed. Janus held his tongue and instead just gave Virgil a confused look which thankfully prompted his friend to continue. “I mean I know it must be awkward considering how much he hits on you, but you can at least listen when the guy is talking.”

Logan had  _ hit _ on  _ him? _

That didn’t sound right whatsoever. 

Rosa was supposed to meet, date, and fall for Logan, and Janus was supposed to interact with Logan as little as possible to avoid being jealous. So why... why was  _ he  _ the one Logan was hitting on? He wasn’t even supposed to be in the scenario. 

“I was listening at first,” Janus said finally, when he realized he hadn’t spoken. “But he and Roman started talking about things I don’t understand so it was just time to smile and nod.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Well, I don’t blame you. I swear they’re speaking another language sometimes.”

“How long has it been since we met?” Janus blurted suddenly chasing Virgil to raise an eyebrow. “I was wondering earlier after Roman made a comment about us and I swore I’d ask you.”

“Years,” Virgil shrugged unhelpfully. “Don’t make me do math right now. What year did we move into that apartment?”

So they  _ had _ been roommates. He must have lived with Virgil for a while and then moved in with Roman. It wasn’t much, but it may very well be the first bit of useful information he had gotten all day. And yet there were still so many unknowns...

“I’m gonna lose my mind,” he whispered to himself. 

Apparently Virgil heard, “You already lost it,” 

As the party went on and people continued to mingle a few more things did become clear. He didn’t know the majority of the people here. But one of the best lessons he had ever been taught in life had unfortunately come from Remus way back in middle school, “Shut the fuck up and pretend! Pretend so hard that everyone else is confused!” Quite frankly Janus wasn't entirely sure what the context of that statement had been anymore, but it had become ingrained in him as to what to do whenever he felt uncomfortable and out of place,  _ lie _ . He had taught himself how to mingle between groups and talk and tell people just what they needed to hear so he could place himself on a higher pedestal- hell that was how he had gotten his last promotion. So it should work here and now too. 

And it was, it was working well until Janus found Roman pulling him aside. “What’s with you today? You’re- you’re  _ talking  _ to people,” Roman said as if it was a crazy idea. “Usually you just stick with Virgil and Patton and decide fuck all of my work friends. But tonight... did you hit your head or something?”

It seemed his strategy had worked  _ too _ well. Janus held in a grimace and instead cleared his throat. “I... I was just trying to be nice. Get along with people instead, I mean I thought that’s what you would want?”

Roman thankfully didn’t seem to notice that the statement had been phrased as a question. “Of course it is! I’ve been asking you for  _ ages _ . This better be a permanent change and not just a tonight one.”

“It... it is.”

Roman gave a satisfied nod, “Perfect. Now come on I think it’s dinner time.”

Dinner had been good and Logan had made his announcement about what he had been celebrating in the first place, he was going to help choreograph something for something important. Janus had zero clue what or where, but everyone around seemed impressed (and Roman a tad jealous). But quite frankly Janus was ready to go home. But unfortunately that’s when an industry person has struck up conversation with Roman leaving Janus waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Other guests had mostly left, he waited so long. He waited so long that he ended up offering to help Logan with the dishes. One of his least favorite chores. 

“They’re still talking?” Logan asked in surprise as Janus rolled up his sleeves. 

“They are,” Janus yawned. “And I needed to come in here and do something before falling asleep on your couch.”

“Did you have that much to drink?” Logan asked, amused. 

Janus shook his head as he got to work washing some of the pots, “No. I just... I’ve had a lot of my mind today.”

There was a pause as Logan took a finished pot and began to dry it, but finally he spoke again. “You can tell me if you like. Perhaps speaking about it can lighten the load.”

“It’s nothing really. I... I just had a bit of a nightmare last night. One which... one which was hard to tell wasn’t real.”

“I see.”

“It was about parallel worlds,” Janus continued slowly. “But everything wasn’t quite as it seems. Some things in it were just... just... Sorry, I must sound ridiculous.”

“Not at all,” Logan disagreed. “Sometimes it’s the possibility of something being so close to reality which makes it so terrifying. That’s the premise of many good horror stories and works of unsettling fiction after all.”

“I guess so.”

“Take some time to focus on the reality we live in and improve both it and yourself. If you find a way to take control and stay calm, you should be able to survive in any world. Or, at least that’s what I believe.”

Janus gave a deep breath and let a moment of silence pass between them before he spoke, “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

  
  


“How’d your talk go?” Janus asked Roman in the car. 

Roman gave a noncommittal shrug. “I don’t know yet. Either he liked me or he hated me. I couldn’t get a read on which.”

“To talk that long, I’m guessing it’s a like thing.”

“I hope so... Sorry to keep you waiting that long,” he apologized. 

Janus gave a shrug, “It’s fine. I just helped Logan do the dishes.”

“You hate dishes.”

“I know, but it was something to do other than fall asleep on Logan’s couch.”

“So what I’m hearing is to make you do the dishes. I have to find something worse?”

“I’m not answering that question.”

Roman gave a short laugh, “Thanks for coming and being nice to people today. I know Logan isn’t your favorite person. He’s not mine since he flirts with you when I’m in the room but whatever. Work friends are work friends. Not to mention he's friends with Virge and Patt.” The statement only brought more questions to Janus’ mind rather than less. But at this point he was too tired to investigate them now. 

~~~~

Work was surprisingly uneventful. He had woken up at his alarm and then after scrolling through his phone had found he still worked for the same company. And thankfully since he knew the address, it was easy to follow the GPS to work. He was also thankful that he had the same car. His desk had been the same, as had his boss. Things all in all had gone well enough considering he had no clue exactly what he was supposed to be doing at this exact point in time. But he had faked it and somehow it worked. But after a long day of confusion and expecting things to go horribly wrong, he had mentally exhausted himself. And quite frankly all he wanted to do was go “home” and nap, but Patton and Virgil had texted him asking him to meet up for a quick happy hour and well any information he could gain would be good. 

“It’s been forever since we hung out after work,” Patton smiled as Janus joined him. 

Janus could only nod slowly in agreement. “Where’s Virgil?”

“He said he had to stay back for a bit,” Patton shrugged into his menu. “He told me to go ahead.”

Janus turned his attention the menu, mentally noting that Virgil and Patton worked together. Did Virgil have the same job and this reality? No probably not, he had met all of Virgil’s work friends before. He must work somewhere else now. 

“Should we go with the usual appetizers or try something different?” Patton asked him. Ah that’s why they went out for happy hour on a Tuesday for the discounted appetizers not the drinks... Janus couldn’t even bring himself to be surprised, that did sound more like Virgil.

“The usual is fine,” Janus nodded, finally setting the menu aside. “I admit I am curious why Virgil had to stay back though.”

“I just hope he’s here by the time the food gets here otherwise it will be cold.”

“We haven’t even ordered yet.”

“Still. Anyway how was your day Jan? Oh and did you enjoy the party last night?”

“Both were fine,” Janus shrugged. “Nothing special. You?”

The waitress appeared then, and after taking their order Patton spoke. “I had fun last night, the casserole Eric brought was really good.”

Another name he didn’t recognize. “I didn’t try it. I’m not really a casserole person.”

“Well it was good. I-”

“Guess who just got fired!” Virgil said loudly, flopping into the seat beside Patton. 

“What?” Janus asked quickly as Patton asked the same. 

Virgil gave a fake smile, “I’ll explain in a sec, but before that since I’m gonna go broke soon, who’s buying me a drink?”

“I will if you explain,” Janus told him. 

“Virgil,” Patton started gently. “I thought you were up for a raise?”

Virgil waved dismissively as the waitress appeared with drinks and Virgil took Janus’ without hesitation. “Well not anymore.”

“Was there a reason?” Janus asked him. 

“Doesn't matter,” Virgil said shortly. “Managing the café was a mistake. Jan does your stuffy office need more people?”

“I...I can see.”

Virgil changed the subject quickly, but Janus made a mental note to come back to it at a later time. Right now he still needed to figure out the Rosa-Roman situation (and a possible Logan one depending on whether or not him having a crush on Janus was true or not) and Virgil would talk when he was ready. 

  
  


“How was food with the boys?” Roman chuckled when Janus got back (after spending five minutes outside the door trying to determine which key was to the one to his home).

“It was alright, save for the fact that Virgil announced he was fired.”

Roman looked up in surprise. “Why? He’s devoted to that place.”

“He didn’t explain,” Janus sighed sitting next to him on the couch. “He’ll talk when he wants. But how was your day?”

Roman didn't seem pleased by the shift in conversation but he played along. “Alright, nothing special just rehearsal, and we got to see some costumes..”

Janus nodded as he made himself comfortable. “Any nice dresses?”

“I mean I guess?” Roman shrugged. “Why?”

_ Shit _ . It had been a near reflex. Whenever Rosa had gotten new costumes she would go on and on about the design and how she would change them to better fit the show, or for daily life. And then Janus would tease her about becoming a designer rather than an actress until she would huff change the subject. But that had been Rosa... this was Roman. 

“Wasn’t this a period thing?” Janus asked, trying to cover his mistake. “They had cool and fancy things then right?”

“No it’s not,” Roman said in confusion. “Oh! You must be thinking of the musical Logan is gonna do coreo for. It’s two different things Jan. And I’m more important than him.”

“Sorry,” Janus replied. “He talked about it yesterday, it’s on the brain.”

Roman rolled his eyes, “Must I re-educate you on every intricacy of-”

“Can we watch TV instead?”

“Oh now we definitely can’t. Let me get my script.”

“Can’t wait...”

Janus had somehow managed to sit through Roman’s droning explanation. But after that it had led to watching some movie and that was fine with him. Roman was laying on his chest as they watched and for a moment things just felt  _ nice _ . He had been watching the movie and was honestly more than confused by the plot, but he had been pulled from it as a hand touched his face. He turned enough to see Roman looking down at him. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, so Roman rolled his eyes- but it wasn’t until Roman kissed him that he understood. 

For a moment Janus was nothing but stunned. His train of thought had taken a nosedive off the rails and was plummeting into an abyss somewhere. Until Roman tried to deepen the kiss but Janus pushed him back. 

“I...” words weren’t working. Roman was there waiting for him to say something, but he wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t say that had been forced into an unfamiliar world where he was living with his crush. Sleeping beside his crush- he has  _ kissed _ his crush. His crush, also known as his best friend who he knew, regretted turning down the love of his life’s proposal. And that person... wasn’t  _ him _ . And yet Rosa had given him a chance to do what he had always wanted. To confess his love- but... had that been the right thing? 

There weren’t many things Janus knew about this new world. But the one thing he knew was that Roman wasn’t Rosa- and he had to be the reason why. And if Roman wasn’t being who he was on the inside then.... then Janus wasn’t quite sure he could live with being the reason why. 

Roman had kissed him. 

It was something he had wanted since high school. It was supposed to be one of the highs of his life. Roman had given him pecks the past two days and they had been nice and had made Janus’ heart flutter. But in this moment, everything just felt so- so...  _ wrong _ . 

“I’m sorry,” Janus said finally. 

Roman shook his head as he sat up, “Don’t be, but l... are you okay?”

But still not knowing what to say, he lied. “Yeah... I’m fine.”


End file.
